By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
