so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I will pee on everything he values.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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