Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
time to smoke my breakfast
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
