Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You're like the curious george of whores
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
