and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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