you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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