Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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