Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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