Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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