it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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