Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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