Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
