girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
