peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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