i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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