If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
