i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
