Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
