The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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