we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
