I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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