I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
