I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
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I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize