If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
