smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
