I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
