i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I smell stomach acid.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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