I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
