see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
