Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
