She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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