I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
