I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize