if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
