My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
