The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
