One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
