Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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