oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
