so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
