official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
