CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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