That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
