I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm like, not good at living.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
