butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
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