my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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