I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
