I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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