I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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