the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
