I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
