Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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