stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
And then he peed in my hair
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