so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
