So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
MIDGETS
????
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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