i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
