if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
