once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
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She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
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Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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