Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
