Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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