Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
