We need to rekindle our bromance
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
