Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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