we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
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If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Your penis caused this!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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