I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
