But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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