so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
