is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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