he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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