U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
