I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
