Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
