I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
