No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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