Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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