I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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